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Fundraiser

2023 Masquerade Ball – 35th Anniversary

The event was epic! Sponsors, partners, participants, vendors, contributors – epic!

The Premier Sponsors, Success Mortgage Partners and Southwire, made bold moves with their level of sponsorship and their presence at the event and “Thank You” hardly seems adequate. 2nd Chance is fortunate to have such great supporters in our community!

The Empowerment Sponsors hit the scene with generous giving too:

J Brittain & Associates

Northeast Alabama RMC

Dunn’s Heating & Cooling (they did some moving and shaking on the dancefloor too!)

Wilson, Dillon, Pumroy & James (that may sound stodgy – not that night!)

There are pictures and videos of the dancefloor and around the tables so don’t let them tell you it never happened because there is digital proof!

2nd Chance News You Can Use

Mental Health Services that Are specific for Black and BIPOC Individuals


Image description: Black Girls Smile logo		https://www.blackgirlssmile.org/resources 

Image description: BEAM logo with “Black Emotional and Mental Health”		https://tinyurl.com/y9yodbkz 

Image description: Therapy for Black Girls logo 		https://therapyforblackgirls.com/

Image description: A Black Man carrying a black child on his shoulders with the Boris Lawrence Hensen Foundation logo; “break the silence, break the cycle.”		https://borislhensonfoundation.org/resource-guide

Image description: National Alliance of Mental Illness logo; “celebrating 40 years.”		https://www.nami.org/Support-Education/Diverse-Communities/African-American-Mental-Health

Image description: Dive in Well logo		https://www.diveinwell.com/

Image description: Sista Afya logo, a Black woman with a blue flower in her short hair. 		https://www.sistaafya.com/events/online-sister-support-group-overcoming-difficult-news

Image description: the Heal Haus logo 		https://www.healhaus.com/offerings/hh-black-moon-a-healing-cypher-for-men-of-color/

Image description: The Nap Ministry Logo		https://thenapministry.wordpress.com/

Image Description: The Inclusive Therapist logo. “A safer, simpler way to find care.”		https://linktr.ee/inclusivetherapists

Image description:
The Black Therapy Love logo with two Black people sitting on a couch talking to a Black woman. 		https://www.black-love-therapy.com/
2nd Chance News You Can Use

Staying Safe During COVID-19

Avoiding public spaces and working remotely can help to reduce the spread of COVID-19, but for many survivors, staying home may not be the safest option.

Abuse is about power and control. When survivors are forced to stay in the home or in close proximity to the abuser more frequently, an abuser can use any tool to exert control over their victim, including a national health concern such as COVID-19.

Here’s how COVID-19 could uniquely impact intimate partner violence survivors:

  • Abusive partners may withhold necessary items such as medications.
  • Abusive partners may share misinformation to control or frighten survivors or to prevent them from seeking medical attention
  • Survivors may fear entering shelter because of being in close quarters with groups of people.
  • Survivors who are older or have chronic health conditions may be at increased risk in places where they would typically get support.
  • An abusive partner may feel more justified and escalate their isolation tactics.

Create a safety plan.

A safety plan is a personalized, practical plan that includes ways to remain safe while in an abusive relationship, planning to leave, or after you leave. You can learn more about safety plans here, and you can find an interactive guide to safety planning here.

Adapted from: https://www.thehotline.org/2020/03/13/staying-safe-during-covid-19/

2nd Chance News You Can Use

Spotting an abuser – not easily done

What Traits Do Abusers Have in Common?

There is no one typical, detectable personality of an abuser. However, they do often display common characteristics. 

  • An abuser often denies the existence or minimizes the seriousness of the violence and its effect on the victim and other family members.
  • An abuser objectifies the victim and often sees them as their property or sexual objects.
  • An abuser has low self-esteem and feels powerless and ineffective in the world. He or she may appear successful, but internally, they feel inadequate.
  • An abuser externalizes the causes of their behavior. They blame their violence on circumstances such as stress, their partner’s behavior, a “bad day,” on alcohol, drugs, or other factors.
  • An abuser may be pleasant and charming between periods of violence and is often seen as a “nice person” to others outside the relationship. 

What Are the “Warning Signs” of an Abuser?

Red flags and warning signs of an abuser include but are not limited to:

  • Extreme jealousy
  • Possessiveness
  • Unpredictability
  • A bad temper
  • Cruelty to animals
  • Verbal abuse
  • Extremely controlling behavior
  • Antiquated beliefs about roles of women and men in relationships
  • Forced sex or disregard of their partner’s unwillingness to have sex
  • Sabotage of birth control methods or refusal to honor agreed upon methods
  • Blaming the victim for anything bad that happens
  • Sabotage or obstruction of the victim’s ability to work or attend school
  • Controls all the finances
  • Abuse of other family members, children or pets
  • Accusations of the victim flirting with others or having an affair
  • Control of what the victim wears and how they act
  • Demeaning the victim either privately or publicly
  • Embarrassment or humiliation of the victim in front of others
  • Harassment of the victim at work

For anonymous, confidential help available 24/7, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) now.

NCADV. (n.d.). NCADV: National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Retrieved from https://ncadv.org/signs-of-abuse

2nd Chance News You Can Use

Some Memes That Might Resonate

Image: Meme from The Empowered Therapist, pencil drawing in a white box- with a grey and yellow background saying: You are allowed to mourn and grieve all the things that your trauma took from you.
Image description: Tweet on a yellow background from Minaa B. @MinaaBe: Someone needs to hear this: Your thoughts are not the only thing impacting your mental health. Poverty, homelessness, student loan debt, unaffordable housing, food deserts, low-income, racism, discrimination & unaffordable healthcare can also impact your mental health.
Image description: Meme from the United Church of Christ. White letters on a black chalkboard background. “Let’s Talk About Sex and Consent- What is not considered consent? Being in a relationship is not consent. “We’ve had sex before” is not consent. Consent to one act is not consent to all acts. If they aren’t sober, they can’t consent. The absence of “no” is not consent. Flirting is not consent. Silence is not consent. If you have to convince them, it’s not consent. If they don’t feel free to say “no” it’s not consent. What is considered consent? An informed, sober, freely-given, ongoing, enthusiastic “YES!”
2nd Chance News You Can Use

Answering The Impossible Question That Is “Why Do They Stay?”

Fear. Shame. Guilt. Isolation. Children. Family. Love. Faith. Lack of resources. Lack of finances. Lack of support. Just some of the complex reasons women who have experienced domestic violence identify for why they stayed in abusive relationships. The question “why doesn’t she just leave” dominates and derails the way we talk about and approach domestic violence. Writer and survivor Beverly Gooden confronted this question head on and ignited a movement with her #WhyIStayed hashtag. Find out more about her story and hear from other survivors in our new short #WhyWeStayed. These women have helped to transform a one-dimensional conversation focused on victim-blaming into a more nuanced, national dialogue. Thank you to all the women who courageously share your stories. Thank you for showing us what avenues for change exist when we stop the victim-blaming and focus instead on how to stop the abuse. The creation of this piece was made possible by Waitt Institute for Violence Prevention and The Kind World Foundation. #ENDPrivateViolence

2nd Chance News You Can Use

Understanding 2nd Chance’s Services

  • Shelter: Survivors may need emergency housing after their experience with domestic or sexual violence. 2nd Chance has several housing options including our 24-hour shelters, the Joy Kathryn Courtney House and the Legacy House- for elders and those with mobility limitations
  • Forensic Exam Advocacy: Our team of trained advocates is available 24/7 to provide in-person advocacy services for individuals in Emergency Departments needing forensic exams. Our advocates answer questions, provide clean clothing and toiletries at the hospital, discuss available community resources, and can provide emotional support for the survivor as they make empowered medical and legal decisions for themselves. Our advocates often stay throughout the entire forensic exam process.
  • Follow-Up Services: After a trauma, it can sometimes help to have someone to talk to. Our advocates connect with survivors as often as requested, providing support and understanding, community referrals as needed, and can connect the survivor with additional 2nd Chance, Inc. service provision.
  • Personal Advocacy: Sometimes a survivor needs more focused support to help them on their healing journey. Our advocates can assist a survivor with accessing a variety of community resources and additional support systems. 
  • Court and Criminal Justice Advocacy: The Criminal Justice system can be overwhelming and hard to navigate alone. Our advocates can work with survivors if they choose to move forward with pressing charges against their perpetrator or if they need assistance with a Protection from Abuse Order.
  • Counseling: Our Licensed Professional Counselor works with domestic and sexual violence survivors and their non-offending loved ones, who are considered secondary survivors. Using a variety of therapeutic methods, the counselor will work with the survivor as they process their trauma.
  • Outreach: Are you interested in learning more about 2nd Chance and how your organization can be a part of the movement to end gender based violence? Connect with us! We’d love to start a conversation with you. Trainings and presentations can be tailored to fit your needs and community.
  • Holistic Wellness Activities: The 2nd Chance, Inc. staff feel strongly that offering activities for survivors that focus on the mind, body, and spirit are critical for one’s healing journey. We offer a variety of activities every season.
  • Support groups:
    • Survivors’ Experiences: This survivor led group is a space for all survivors of domestic and/or sexual violence and their supportive loved ones to speak openly with other survivors who “get it.” This group’s format changes to meet the needs of the survivors who attend.
    • WOC Survivors’ Experiences: We recognize that the needs of domestic and/or sexual violence survivors who are also Women of Color can be unique. In an effort to respect that, this space is dedicated only to Women of Color and led by staff members who are also Women of Color.
    • Young Women’s Group: This group was created for young women 16-25 and focuses on self-care and healthy relationships.
    • COLOR: Coloring is still cool! We provide the coloring sheets and colored pencils and you get to take a break to center yourself and relax.

Our groups are subject to change occasionally. We recommend calling 256-403-2989, for more information about any group that may be of interest to you. Child care can be arranged with advanced notice.

MYSAAY

We need you in the Movement to End Sexual Violence

Since 2005, Trace Fleming has been actively involved as an advocate against sexual violence.  In more recent years, she has been an active proponent for the vicarious trauma mitigation and self-care. Trace has served as President of the Board of Directors for the Alabama Coalition Against Rape (ACAR) as well as various other roles on the Executive, Public Relations, Legislative, and Membership Committees. Trace created the successful Self-Care for Advocates, a vicarious trauma and burnout support group for anti-violence advocates on Facebook and is responsible for its moderation. She is a founding member and holds the position of Community Leader of the longest running feminist organization at Jacksonville State University, Women’s Issues, Support and Empowerment (WISE) and was a partner in the creation of the WISE Legacy Scholarship. Trace has served as a member of the National Take Back the Night Foundation Advisory Board, has been recognized as an Emerging Southern Leader by the Emerging Change Makers Network and has been featured on the international anti-violence against women website, the Pixel Project.  Currently, Trace is the Sexual Violence Program Director at 2nd Chance, Inc. in Anniston, Alabama.

This was originally written in 2016- but since anti-violence advocacy work is an art and a practice, I’ve updated it to include a few more thoughts and insights that I’ve learned along the way during the past year.

If Brock Turner’s rape of a woman, his subsequent pathetic prison sentence, and his father’s callous and terrible response have pissed you off, enraged you, horrified you- GOOD. If you’ve been sickened by the Bill Cosby defense team and his mistrial- even though 60 women have come forward to accuse him- GOOD. If President Trump’s continued displays of toxic masculinity and misogyny fill you with a need to do- something… GOOD.

They should. It is way past time for these types acts of aggression stop. Each one of us can be a part of working towards a better community for survivors of sexual violence, our children, and ourselves. Knowing where to start can really feel overwhelming, so here are some immediate ways, in no particular order, to help you get into the anti-sexual violence movement:

  1. Look up your local rape crisis program, call them, and ask if you can have a meeting with an advocate to discuss volunteer possibilities. When you meet, really listen. You may have some great ideas or services that you can offer and they may fit into what the advocates already have in motion- but they may not. It is not personal if they say no to your idea. They may not have the capacity to bring your idea to fruition. Do at least one of the things that the advocate says that they need done. I promise it will make a world of difference.
  2. Like your local rape crisis center’s Facebook page. Follow them on Twitter or Instagram. These are some of the fastest ways to connect with us. Share our posts. Comment on them. Doing this boosts our signal- it also shows those in your network that you care about sexual violence survivors and ending sexual violence in your community.
  3. Start looking at  feminist websites that encourage intersectional feminist approaches (Everyday Feminism and the National Sexual Violence Resource Center are good places to begin) and start educating yourself as much as possible about sexual violence and its root cause: oppression. Learn everything that you can about white supremacy, privilege, patriarchy, and the anti-oppression work that historically has been done by People of Color and get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Growth comes from being challenged. Defensiveness often comes from fear. Remember also that intent is less than impact. When you have questions- and you will have them- remember that it’s best to do as much homework as you can about the subject before you ask a member of a marginalized population. Keep in mind too, that they may not be interested in helping you in this area of your growth and development and that’s perfectly ok! If the person is willing to talk to you over lunch or coffee or what-have-you, be sure that you really listen to their experience (that’s why you’re there), be respectful, non-combative (your emotional work shouldn’t be heavy lifting for anyone else), and don’t forget to pay for their coffee, lunch, or whatnot. You are paying for an educational experience and someone else’s time.
  4. Show up to your local rape crisis center events whenever you can. Bring your partner(s) and your kids; bring your church family, your neighbors, your co-workers… Bring as many folks as you can. You will never know how much that will mean to the survivors who are there to see their community supporting them and to the advocates who work with them, it’s a pretty big deal too.
  5. Send money. Seriously, sometimes a few hundred dollars can mean the difference between the lights and phones being on and a program being able to be there another night. Plus, every little bit you send can be used for most programs as an “in kind donation” for matching grant funds. Also, sometimes unrestricted funds can be helpful for the odd things that come up- like a tank of gas for a survivor to get to work that week or to purchase supplies for a support group.
  6. If you can’t send money, but can offer a service like a free yoga class or another healing arts activity do so. Things like gift cards to get a free hair cut for a survivor that could be really helpful. Movie tickets, gift cards from various stores, art supplies, computer paper, tote bags, and brand new gender neutral clothing can be great donations too. Most rape crisis programs have a list of items or services that their clients have let them know that they need. If you have a question about the list- please give them a call.
  7. Ask an advocate from your local rape crisis center to come to your work, church, sewing circle, wherever! We will go pretty much anywhere that we are asked to go. Gather up people you know and have us over in your back yard to hear about the dynamics of sexual violence and about what can be done in our communities. Ask us for our brochures and handout materials and think about where you could put them for us. Keep a few of our business cards handy in your car or wallet.
  8. If you see something- SAY SOMETHING. It takes a village. We have to be our brother and sister’s keeper. IT IS YOUR BUSINESS. Something doesn’t feel right to you, check in on that situation. If it doesn’t feel safe to do that, if you can, call the police- or call your local program and an advocate can call the police for you.
  9. Talk to the kids in your life. Every day talk to them about how you love them, how they can come to you about anything because you will always, always, always believe them. Talk to them about empathy, respect, consent, about how people need to be valued, no matter what, because they are human beings. Keep talking. Talk to your boys so that they know that being a “real man” has absolutely nothing to do with taking power from others or using violence. Tell them that real strength comes from what you build- not by what you can tear down.
  10. Demand more from our elected officials. WAY too often, sentences like those handed down to Brock Turner are pathetically light. Demand that there be reviews of our criminal codes by legislators, advocates, law enforcement, survivors, prosecutors and judges. Demand that changes be made. Demand that our elected officials actively support legislation like the Reauthorized Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) and the Victims of Crime Act (VOCA)- because sexual violence is not a partisan issue. Tell your elected officials who say harmful and uneducated things about rape and gender based violence that you want them to have meetings with local and national sexual violence advocates so that they can have a better understanding of what the facts and realities are about these issues. Changing laws can take time- but don’t stop till things *are* changed.
  11. When you hear someone telling a rape joke or saying something misogynistic, racist, homophobic, or transphobic- speak up about it. Ask them to explain exactly why they think that something that is so harmful is funny. We especially need men and White people to do this. It can be scary to speak up and challenge someone else, but remember that allyship must be active and on-going. It does not have to be perfect. Accept the fact that you will make mistakes. When you do, apologize if you need to and do better the next time.
  12. Believe survivors. Their accounts are real. Stop Monday-Morning Quarterbacking. Don’t ask about what they were wearing; where they were or what they did, or what you would have done in their place. You weren’t there. Tell them that you believe them and that you are so damn sorry for what happened to them. Tell them that NOTHING that happened to them is their fault. They weren’t the ones who did something wrong. Ask them if there is any way that you can support them, any way you can help. Respect what they say. Do as they ask to the best of your ability. If you hear of a situation from the media- speak out about how you believe the survivor and how you hate what happened to them. You never know who is listening and what impact that will have towards someone disclosing to you about what happened to them.
  13. Additionally, because I’m on a roll- men, LISTEN to women. Ask a question, and then really, truly listen- without interrupting, without offering solutions, without telling us what you think women should do. Just listen. This is a critical step- and you will be really surprised by what you hear.

There’s so much more- but this is a really good start. Please. Help us stop this epidemic. We really need you.